The Gift & The Curse of an Empath

I began writing this while sitting in the ER for the second time in a month with my 88-year-old Father and umpteenth all-time record.  After feeling the need to explain and justify every little damn thing in my life for years, I’m ready to explain what it’s like being an Empath.  My signature line is, “I have two speeds.  I either feel bad or I feel guilty.”  This is not only for my benefit, but for all the others out there who possess this gift/curse, of which there are numerous.  I have already identified these traits in quite a few of the younger generation and we old timer’s didn’t figure it out until we suffered for years.  So, this is for the up and coming star seeds, indigo children, and clairsentient’s-in-training as well as any individual who possesses any modicum of empathy.

Emergency Rooms and Hospitals are a place of great anxiety for a highly sensitive Empath.  As I was writing this, as an ER Doctor explained to the women behind the next curtain that she was in congestive heart failure; an immobile diabetic on dialysis who couldn’t breathe.  All this poor woman wanted was to go home and be surrounded by her family.  When I went out to corridor to get water, the hallway was lined up with a homeless man, two overdose patients, and parents clearly broken to the point of wondering if this would be last time their child would be saved.  It was my complete undoing and by hour #4, I started to lose my shit.

For as long as I can remember, I was always felt odd and displaced,  jumping out of my skin at times, my brain in perpetual motion as I trotted among no particular-type of friends.  In fact, I had a vast array of friends throughout my childhood and 50+ years – all uniquely different.  In fact, I rarely mixed my groups of friends because subconsciously I didn’t think they had enough in common to enjoy each other’s company; and I wouldn’t be able to handle any rejection of each other, so I kept the friendships separate.   I ran with all types:  the good girls/boys, the bad girls/boys, the cigarette smoking motor heads (some of these were even girls), preppy Lily Pulitzers, a few church youth groups, neighborhood drug addicts & alcoholics-in-training, gays, and lesbians.  I was drawn to them all, and have maintained a good many friendships over the years.  I have also managed to cut out a few that served no purpose other than their need of me to be of service to them.

What is like for an Empath?

You need alone time, yet you’re never alone.  All it takes is a smile, a compliment or a thank you and you’re guaranteed to know the life story of any person you come in contact.  Complete strangers tell you everything and you listen intently because you’re fascinated and a good listener; and somehow they feel better just talking to you for that short period of time, and they will tell you so.

Empaths like to be outdoors.  We need to be outdoors whether it’s at the ocean, beaches, or walking around new towns/cities.  Personally, I only gravitate to outdoor shopping plazas versus indoor malls.  The confinement of an indoor mall is too confusing, and way too many people’s energies for me to mentally handle. Indoor malls are right up there with the ER of places to avoid, if at all possible. I even order my favorite body lotion online and pay a shitload more to avoid having to go to the mall.

Three things that will send an Empath spiraling:

1. We know when you lie.  We may not call you out on it, but I assure you our body language, our words, and the total rejection of your being gets the point across.
2. Listen when an Empath gives advice because chances are real good their advice is accurate, and they know things way before you do.  If you keep asking the same advice, you’ve become an askhole, and we will eventually have to avoid you completely for sanity reasons.
3. Empaths can identify these dark souls within just minutes of a conversation.  When I’m in the company of a Narcissist, a wall goes up and I become very combative and I have to struggle to keep my replies and body language under control.   You’re better off excusing yourself and walking away from the energy than engaging because the outcome has the ability to become explosive.

The downside (curse) of being an Empath:

• Empaths are natural healers so unless you identify and understand your Empath traits early on, you’ll try and fix anyone struggling who crosses your path, and you’ll learn some real hard lessons here until you set healthy boundaries. I learned this the hard way and it took some extraordinary people to teach me that I needed to burn some bridges to my island.   Empaths are a gravitational pull to many who walk this earth, with a heavy concentration in the severely damaged. The statistics show that 1 out of 25 people suffer from the following personality disorders:  Narcissist, sociopath, and psychopath behavior.  I’d say it’s more likely 1 out of 15 people.  Those other 10 are just holed up playing video games and just not identified as yet.
• Alone time is coveted by an Empath for recharging purposes, but it isn’t easy to come by because you’re always surrounded.
• TV. and social media are our ultimate unraveling. I cannot watch the news or read news/social media articles that display mass murders, bombings, animal cruelty, and so forth.  It will sap my energy for days.

What an Empath absolutely needs and loves is:

• Like-minded individuals with the same belief system who can embrace the simple things in life. We don’t like clutter and can’t function with or around it. I haven’t mastered this yet.
• Money means nothing past what is needed for survival. I’ve sat on a milk crate in a tiny kitchen of a family of 11 living in a 5 room apartment.  I’ve also sat in a palatial kitchen of a wealthy man with a personal cook that overlooked the water.  I would take the milk crate any day.  I prefer humble, genuine people that don’t have the need to flaunt.  In the end, graves are all the same size.
• Animals gravitate to Empaths. I have no fear of any animals. I leave my turkey carcass for the racoons on Thanksgiving, feed them marshmallows, and I have actually witnessed them knocking on my back door for some grub.  The latest addition to our family was a scrawny stray kitten who found his way into our home and hearts, and we are now his staff.  Thus why we named him Moses since he walks on water.
• Laughter and a good tribe. There is absolutely nothing better than being surrounded by people who make you laugh, laugh with you, laugh at you, and have the ability to find humor even in the most inappropriate circumstances.
• Children and Special Needs children/adults are pure love. Their minds aren’t cluttered with anything but living in that moment and love.

In closing, I went away with my dear friends for the weekend and we saw Earth, Wind & Fire/Chicago in concert.  We laughed for 34 of the 48 hours we were together.  Even after minimal sleep, I felt renewed and exhilarated and said as much to my tribe.  I spent 7 hours in the ER the following weekend, and had more sleep than the weekend prior.  However, the next day I was not able to string two comprehensive words together, spent 4+ hours on a lounge chair passed out drooling, and was physically and mentally debilitated the entire day.   I attribute it to the energy source:  Positive/upbeat energy rejuvenates you.  Negativity/sadness/narcissistic/energy vampires debilitate you.

Choose your tribe wisely Empaths, and recognize the traits early on.  It will save you time, heartaches, and headaches.