Behind Cell Phone Prison Bars

Cell phones = The Devil

These are solely my observations and if I’m off base, by all means feel free to call me out and share your perspective.

When you’re in another person’s company, especially a person you have chosen to spend time with, do you ignore your phone, tuck it away and give them your undivided attention?  Or are your loved ones/people in general no longer worthy of uninterrupted time from you?  Unless you have a wife in her 9th month of pregnancy or a loved one close to taking their last breath, why would you ignore the still warm and breathing person you’re with.

In August, me and my group of friends did our rooftop bar crawl in the NYC meat packing district.  Our first stop was the rooftop of the Standard Highline.  It was a spectacular evening, view, cushy astro-turf, furniture, and pitchers of Mona Lisa’s (adult Italian Koolaid).  My crew was watching me watching people –  Gay, straight, beautiful, Asian, it didn’t matter.  Every couple had one thing in common, can you guess what it was?  They were all on their phones.  If they weren’t scrolling on their phones, they were taking selfies with the incredible view as a backdrop then naturally had to show everyone on social media that they were having an amazing time….ON THEIR PHONES.  Right after the selfie shot, of course they had to post the selfie, followed up by now having to see how many likes they got.  It is now the way of life to instantly alert everyone that your life is beautiful (or portrayed as such)  so some depressed, lactose intolerant sitting home with a shovel in a gallon of ice cream can feel even worse about their lives.

What I want to know is where’s the Instagram of you not making it to the bathroom in time and having to throw your pants out in the garbage, sneaking out of the bathroom wearing your jacket as a skirt, and you’re a man.  Where is the post you had to go to the Vaginologist because your who-ha accidentally ate your tampon?  Where is the photo of all your kids beating the shit out of each other and crying while you’re trying to take the family Christmas card photo in the matching ugly Xmas sweaters?  Where’s the school picture of your kid when his/her head hasn’t grown into those bucky beaver teeth that could do a cord of wood in an hour?  Huh? Huh?  I want to see those pictures.  Those Posts. Every day life of shit happens.  Not just the version you wish to portray.

Now this here is a real gem – the Queen of Versaille texting behind her daughter’s casket.  This photo stirred so much negative feedback, a newspaper writer responded on her behalf with, “There’s no authoritative manual that tells us how to grieve.”  Apparently not ass wipe, and if that wasn’t tasteless and disrespectful enough, there’s always the family selfie shots and photos of the casket.  Who the hell warrants enough importance to be texting at your child’s funeral honey?

The Word on Selfies – Go ahead, take shit boats to make sure you get 300 likes on social media.  It’s teaching the next generation that life is all about the physical image you portray online that’s important versus the inner person you can become.  Loving this article, “Selfies are Deadlier Than Sharks.” Hey!  As long as the selfie doesn’t show any billy goat hairs emerging from my chin, I’ll back off a cliff to get the perfect photo.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2015/09/22/selfies-more-deadly-than-sharks-reports-show/#.VhD9MEXw8Vk.email

Then there are times when cell phone placement or absenteeism isn’t necessarily out of respect for your companionship.  Over the years, I’ve watched significant others and their placement of cell phones whether it be face down or purposely left somewhere out of reach.  Like I said, this isn’t always out of respect,  and there’s a real good chance there’s a juicy chapter in that phone.

My daughter’s childhood friend posted something in regards to people embellishing their lives on Facebook, but she knew it was only a smoke screen for what their life was really like.  I responded with:

This is what I know:

• You love (your boyfriend) to the point that you squeeze him til he screams for a breath of air.
• Your sister works at a pool joint & puts up w/no b.s.  Can’t pull one over on her. EVER.
• Your Momma just wants peace in the world & likes everything that isn’t negative.
• My daughter loves her boyfriend awful.
• My other daughter don’t want no one to know nuthin.
• Me – Drinks well with many others. The rest will be published.
• CONSTANT posts from “Real men don’t cheat” means your man dung you wrong.
• Posting photos. Careful there people. You never know what’s in the background. Perhaps your shadow while taking a picture of a tv screen when you’re supposed to be AT that game.
• Family portraits when the world knows your separated means nice try liar liar pants ablaze.
• MY PERSONAL FAVORITES -#1- CONSTANT selfies- Get a shrink. Get good medication. If people need social media to reaffirm how good or beautiful they look all the time then you gotta start loving yourself.
• #2 – What’s with that stick your hip out pose? Keep that shit up & you’ll need hip replacement! You look stupid. Just f’ing smile. It doesn’t make your boobs look bigger either.
• #3  – Airing the dirty laundry. Just call the jerk up & rip them. No one cares to read your posts while you’re sticking pins in a voodoo doll.
• #4 – Quotes – They tell ALL about your life or lack thereof.
• #5- Gym check ins. I’m sitting here making animal figures with my silly putty stomach.

I know who is religious or spiritual.  Who is against animal cruelty & for God sake you don’t have to post a picture of a puppy being hung to prove it. It just gives another sociopath kid/adult an idea. I know who hates Obama, who is a racist/reverse racist, a police supporter & non supporter, who has cancer, who has angels, who died, family members in heaven…who is a good soul, who is not, who is a liar, who needs intense therapy, who’s struggling with something & who’s mentalpausal.  It’s all there….welcome to social media. And I came up with all this whilst removing 3 dozen acorns with my toes at the bottom of my public pool.

Personally, I gain much knowledge from my personalized Facebook feed.  There are wonderful articles from Collective Evolution and Spirit Science, Living a Life of Purpose just to name a few.  I love seeing family photos, new babies, Throw Back Thursdays, friends goofing on each other with funny posts that apply, and more importantly I can keep tabs on friends who’ve moved. I will hit the “Unfollow button” on disturbing posts because people don’t realize how much it effects people like me.

My hope for my children’s generation – I hope as you grow older and more forgetful, you’ll be able to recognize your friends by their posted pictures because Lord knows it won’t be from the annoyance of having to actually communicate face to face and listen to each other like in the prehistoric times circa 1990 and prior.

I like talking to people face to face.  I appreciate eye contact and that’s difficult for some people.  I like the personal touch of hugging someone after a conversation or giving their hand a squeeze. Is there an emoji for that?